Lazing in the summer sun warmed cockpit aboard our 30 foot sailboat Exodus, we were moored for the afternoon in the Union Steamship marina on Bowen Island in Howe Sound BC, Canada when the cockpit VHF radio repeater sprang to life on channel 16, the distress and calling frequency. Loud and clear came the call: “Port of Vancouver, Japanese warship”, “Port of Vancouver, Japanese warship”. We looked at the radio in some disbelief. It seemed and in an odd way felt like a sort of Mary Celeste, over the eternal ether sort of moment, not that the famed merchant brigantine would have had radio of course in 1872. In spite of multiple further transmissions from the warship, the Port of Vancouver did not respond. 

Were the Port of Vancouver radio operators skeptical perhaps that there really was a Japanese warship to hand. Was this a hoax? Or like us, were they imagining a Japanese ghost warship drifting the seas for ever, manned by the spirits of her late crew? Another call. “Port of Vancouver, etc.“  This must be for real we decided. As the chicken, pacifist skipper of the Exodus, I briefly thought of grabbing the handset and offering immediate and unconditional surrender in exchange for a bottle of Sake. At the very least I thought, given that our sailboat was built in Japan by Yamaha, we might perhaps have some standing, some common ground. Another connection. I had once performed as an operatic chorister in the Tokyo dome. Perhaps some of them had seen the show. (Aida). Would they like to join us for tea and maple syrup? 

Again: ”Port of Vancouver this is Japanese warship”. The repeat. A long ominous silence. The Port of Vancouver perhaps reluctant to tip their hand.  What should we do? Are we perhaps the only ones picking up the transmission? Should we try calling the Mary Celeste and see if we get a response from her? Perhaps they could intercede and mediate if these visitors are in fact Japanese maritime phantoms.

“Port of Vancouver etc” again and then finally a response but not from the Port of Vancouver. “Victoria coast guard radio; Japanese warship”. The warship, presumably in Vancouver harbour, acknowledges and stands by for the reply. Our coast guard, owing to federal government cut backs unable to afford to live in Vancouver and now based out of Victoria, presumably with baited breath and likely ready to push at a moment’s notice the large red Department of National Defense button enquires as to the nature of their call. The warship’s radio operator cool as a cucumber responds with “We are about to conduct diving operations”. 

I imagine a fleet, nay an armada of mini-subs attaching limpet mines to every floating Tim Horton’s within 25 nautical miles. But why would they give the game away by announcing their intent? Of course. The Japanese are a very polite people. The coast guard comes back on “Japanese warship Victoria coast guard radio” The warship answers immediately. The coast guard, no doubt resisting the temptation to say “have a nice day” advises them to call the Port of Vancouver on channel 11. 

We were unable to hear channel 11 from our position however there were no reports the next day of any maritime centric Tim Hortons being sunk. We do of course have some excellent diving locally including protected sponge reefs in Howe Sound. Nice of our esteemed visitors to ask permission first.

Over.