The verb (slang) to con: to persuade someone to do or believe something, typically by deceiving or tricking. Usually for personal, often illegal gain.

The noun (slang) a con: a fraud.

If upon being asked if I thought I could be conned for money the answer would be a rapid and definitive no! Recently, I answered my business desk phone and as is my wont, in an attempt to discourage human junk callers up front I responded with a loud, brisk and rather aggressive without being too obnoxious ‘Barry Devonald.’ The fully automated junk calls issue incidentally recently and brilliantly resolved completely via the phone company’s free ‘Call Control.’ By requiring human numeric input from the caller in order to connect, intrusive automated calls with their recorded message lies are now a thing of the past. A male voice said “Hi Barry how’s it going it’s Gerry?”. Now Gerry (not his real name) is the name of the vice president of sales for a US company located in Oskaloosa, Iowa which I represent. They manufacture, to country of destination specifications, AC voltage electrical connection components. Based in Vancouver B.C. my territory is western Canada i.e. the four western provinces.

Gerry and I have never met in person however I always recognise his voice. He has a rather neutral US accent of the moderate common or garden mid-west variety. For the record mine is Canadianised British. “I’m doing fine Gerry how are you?” I replied. There was an uncharacteristic slight hesitation in his reply which caught my attention. The slight pause was to me suggestive that Gerry had something serious and important to say but was hesitant to start in. “I’m in Montreal” he eventually said. “Vacation?” I queried. “No business” he replied. Then he said “I’m sorry to lay this on you but you are the only contact I have in Canada and I’ve gotten myself into a terrible and embarrassing jam.” “How so?” said I wondering where this was going and by then seriously doubting that the caller was in fact the VP of sales Gerry that I know.  

There was a significantly long pause. My gut feeling was that it was almost certainly not, but just conceivably might be, the real Gerry and if so, that he was upset and perhaps embarrassed to offer up details of the jam. Finally he allowed that late the previous evening he had been drinking and on the way to the airport driving a rental car, he had been pulled over. He had failed the breathalyzer test he said. They had arrested him and put him in a cell overnight. This latter primarily because he was en-route to the airport and returning to the US. They were now allowing him to make one call to arrange to pay a heavy fine before they would release him. In the mean time, they would put him back in the cell he said pending written confirmation that the fine would be forthcoming.  It had to be delivered by noon the next day and that it had to be in cash to the tune of CDN $4,800 – oh and in the form of forty eight one hundred dollar bills. Sure!

He then emphasised that we had to keep this strictly between him and I otherwise he would likely lose his job, his credibility, his employability etc, etc. He then announced that he had retained a Canadian lawyer whom he would now put on the phone as his time allowed was up and he was about to be put back in the cell. I am not making this up by the way, this is very much a true story. His ‘lawyer’, a ‘Mr. Cohen’ then took over the phone and the conversation.

Needless to say I had indeed correctly tumbled to this con very early in the game. I elected to prolong it to waste the perpetrators’ time and seeing the opportunity, to collect material for a story – obviously this story! More importantly, ultimately to be able also to warn others of this specific type of con. (It was new to me). I engaged with ‘Mr. Cohen’. He explained that under Quebec law, Gerry would be held until the fine was paid, as stated no later than noon the following day. To me that clearly translated to paid into our ‘Mr. Cohen’s’ hands! Continuing he said Fedex must deliver the forty eight one hundred dollar bills directly to him early the following morning. He would then deliver them to the appropriate Quebec authorities. (Sure he would!) He emphasised that Gerry was now back under lock and key. He assured me he would be released provided the CDN $4,800 was delivered to the authorities as demanded by them no later than noon the next day. 

At this point I asked ‘Mr Cohen’ for the full name of his legal practice in Montreal and the address. He immediately hung up as I knew he would. Just to be absolutely sure, not that I had any serious doubts, I then contacted via his company’s front office phone, the real ‘Gerry’. Fortunately and to no surprise, he was in his office – certainly not in Montreal. We discussed how could these crooks know about the connection between he and I. Oh he said, “we get these kinds of things all the time.” They would have randomly gone to his company’s web site he figured, noted his name there as the VP Sales and noted mine as their independent (B.H. Devonald & Associates) western Canada sales representative based in Vancouver, BC. 

Was it just coincidence that the individual ‘playing’ Gerry had a similar voice timbre and appropriate US accent? Certainly it was however at no time beyond the initial few words from this crook did I seriously think I was talking to the fine upstanding citizen that I know the real Gerry to be. All’s well that ends well.